No Mas

So, it's Friday.

Friday night in the City of Love.  Or, the most hated city in Canada. 

Rock on.

Not really.

It's too late to rock on.

But not too late to write.

About Jodi.

About how she's not responsible for me being as happy as I am.

That it's all about my Posse.

No Posse = No Happy.

(Pardon me while I have some port and hardo bread with cream cheese.  If not for Jane Petrie, I wouldn't know about port.  If not for my dad, I wouldn't know about hardo bread.)

Miss me?

Don't care.

I was gonna wax poetic and philosophical.  F**k that.

Saul helped shape a rough piece of play dough into something better.  Emily, lucky her, go that piece of play dough and continued to work on it, along with Saul.  Saul and Emily continued to work on the play dough (OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Dregs from the bottom of the bottle of port.  But I digress.) as James came onto the scene.

If not for Saul, Emily and James - along with Doug, my parents, Mr. Tindall and Mr. Dworkin (Is that Mrs. Tindall and Dworkin?  Heh!) and several women, I wouldn't be with Jodi.

If I'm not with Jodi.

If I'm not with Jodi, I'm not happy.

Which came first, the chicken on the egg?

No matter.

But what does matter is Jenna Morrison's tragic death this week.

She was the 38 year old pregnant mother, with a 5 year old son and a husband who is/was fighting cancer, that was killed while cycling to pick-up her son from school.

I've been trying to conceptualize what my life would be like if there was no Jodi.  About how I would possibly be able to be daddy and mommy to Norah. 

Or, the flip-side that I've been mulling over what life would be like for Jodi if I wasn't around.

Or, if this were to happen to one of us when Norah's five, and the other having to explain to Norah that Daddy or Mommy isn't coming home.  Ever.  Again.  Never.  Ever.  Ever.

So, that's been bubbling.

I told my backyard neighbour, who cycles, about how this has affected me.  I asked him if he had been affected by it.  He told me that the runner that died in the Toronto Marathon was his assistant.  So, his connection with death, realities of life, mortality, whatever, were much more direct and immediate.

I think that's all I can muster up now.

Made yummy cocoa shortbread today.