What Makes a Father?

I'm going to be a Baby Daddy.

(Yes, I have heard "Baby Daddy" used in proper context, spoken with a single iota of irony. FYI...I would not have been able to write that sentence if I hadn't been around Jodi for the past five years!)

Jodi is due with a girl mid-October.

I am 40.

My father was 40 when I was born.

I have father issues, or so I always thought. Until recently.

I have rejected my father's conservatism (or so-called conservatism), and lived a rather liberal/left-of-centre life as a result. I have come of age seeing my father as a passive man, and perhaps subsequently I'm more aggressive than most. (If you haven't come across that in my personality, it'll show up eventually...)

Then it hit me...

I read the obituaries, look at sales flyers, appreciate fine ethnic cuisine in its "natural" surroundings, know how to grocery shop, have a creative ability in the kitchen, why?

Because of my dad.

Would I have preferred my dad to be more guiding? Sure. Do I feel ripped off because of my parents not doing more? Not a chance. I went to the library with my mom, and learned so much at a young age, from books. My dad taught me how to do mental math/estimating and that helps when I go grocery shopping. My dad and mom taught me how to grocery shop.

Did my dad drive WAY TOO FAR so that we'd have a good hamburger? Yes. Do I do that? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes.

While my dad may not have always been the most passionate and demonstrative, maybe it's better that way. I don't know what he would have been like had he been any different.

I'm the same age as my dad was when I was born. Jodi's due in October. I'm scared to death about what kind of father I'm going to be and how my daughter will look at me.

I've said a lot of things. I've done a lot of things.

I'm going to be a father, but to be a dad is so much different.

My "Pops" is 81. He's not doing well. It meant so much to me that he was able to be at our wedding a year ago. Neither one of us thought he was going to live long enough for us to connect upon our return from the honeymoon in February.

I know I'm not going to be my dad as a dad, but I'm thinking I'm reflective enough to be the father, the dad, I want to be.

Me.

My daughter is going to kick ass and take names later.

Because I wouldn't have it any other way.

My plan is to make the world a better place by the time I check out.

Want to come along for the ride?

What Makes a Man?

What makes a man?

And I don’t mean testosterone, penis, testicles, facial hair, etc.

If one is to be a man, how does he act? How does he look?

I’ve long been fascinated by what makes a man, since I’ve never really had a sense of how I was supposed to look, be or act in order to be a man. I never took any Man 101 classes, and frankly wonder if any men did either.

Let’s see...I maintain my eyebrows, keep hair off my ears, shave my head and most of my face, my armpits and legs and.... I love being in the kitchen, creating. I have definite likes and dislikes when it comes to design, art, “beauty”, and have been known to wear a dress or two in my day. I spend more time in gay bars than any others. I am reflective and aware that my empathic skills are lacking.

I can get by with tools. I’m not handy. I know good wines from bad and not based on cost. I am passionate about social justice, food security/safety and making sure that we’re all being treated equally. Knowing that we’re not, and haven’t been, and that things need to change.

A Canadian does not necessarily have to look like me to be any more or less Canadian.

Tim Hortons’ coffee is not something I like.

I cry.

I hug my friends, male and female.

I feel warm inside when a child smiles because of something I have done or said.

I want to fish, not because it’s what men do, but because I want to catch my dinner, or lunch, and thank it for making the sacrifice, so that we may enjoy it’s deliciousness. I want to slaughter an animal, so that I can say I killed my dinner. So that I can connect to the food chain.

I want to have a garden, not because of what I might grow, but because of how fresh my herbs or vegetables can be. So that I can connect to the food chain, and food supply chain.

I want to be connected.

I don’t want to be off the grid, but I am careful of how resources are used/wasted.

I don’t want to have chemicals around my house, myself or family.

I have a family. Many families. And I feel connected and disconnected to all of them.

What makes a man?

Please, tell me.