What Makes a Father?

I'm going to be a Baby Daddy.

(Yes, I have heard "Baby Daddy" used in proper context, spoken with a single iota of irony. FYI...I would not have been able to write that sentence if I hadn't been around Jodi for the past five years!)

Jodi is due with a girl mid-October.

I am 40.

My father was 40 when I was born.

I have father issues, or so I always thought. Until recently.

I have rejected my father's conservatism (or so-called conservatism), and lived a rather liberal/left-of-centre life as a result. I have come of age seeing my father as a passive man, and perhaps subsequently I'm more aggressive than most. (If you haven't come across that in my personality, it'll show up eventually...)

Then it hit me...

I read the obituaries, look at sales flyers, appreciate fine ethnic cuisine in its "natural" surroundings, know how to grocery shop, have a creative ability in the kitchen, why?

Because of my dad.

Would I have preferred my dad to be more guiding? Sure. Do I feel ripped off because of my parents not doing more? Not a chance. I went to the library with my mom, and learned so much at a young age, from books. My dad taught me how to do mental math/estimating and that helps when I go grocery shopping. My dad and mom taught me how to grocery shop.

Did my dad drive WAY TOO FAR so that we'd have a good hamburger? Yes. Do I do that? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes.

While my dad may not have always been the most passionate and demonstrative, maybe it's better that way. I don't know what he would have been like had he been any different.

I'm the same age as my dad was when I was born. Jodi's due in October. I'm scared to death about what kind of father I'm going to be and how my daughter will look at me.

I've said a lot of things. I've done a lot of things.

I'm going to be a father, but to be a dad is so much different.

My "Pops" is 81. He's not doing well. It meant so much to me that he was able to be at our wedding a year ago. Neither one of us thought he was going to live long enough for us to connect upon our return from the honeymoon in February.

I know I'm not going to be my dad as a dad, but I'm thinking I'm reflective enough to be the father, the dad, I want to be.

Me.

My daughter is going to kick ass and take names later.

Because I wouldn't have it any other way.

My plan is to make the world a better place by the time I check out.

Want to come along for the ride?