On Being a Dad

(This is unedited. I know that it goes back-and-forth between my experiences and a how-to-be-a-father/partner of a newborn, and their mother. That said, I wanted to get it out, since I'm sick of hearing/reading about how having a baby is so awful and how so many biological fathers of newborns are being really s**ty fathers and partners.)

Norah was born October 8th. My last post was a few days after her birth. In the three months since, I have found a new balance in life, a new outlook on life and hope for my future like I've never had before.

All because of a 7 pound, 8 ounce bundle of deliciousness.

After taking a week off after her birth, I went back to work eager to get back into my routine, and having the chance to find a new way of doing things from day-to-day.

It's been grand.

Jodi's home with Norah, Service Canada and the Canadian Revenue Agency aside. I'm at work. The MAN is at work, and the WOMAN is at home with the baby. As it should be. Or, as it can be.

It seems to work for us.

I frequently get up when Norah seems to be stirring in the morning. Pretty much acting as an alarm clock. Whether I have my alarm set for 5:30, or later, I'm usually up at this time to change her overnight diaper. The one that weighs a TON, and is full of urine. I then lay out a towel on my side of the bed, and put Norah there, partially under the covers.

I then do whatever I want/need to do in the morning. Put a load of wash into the machine, transfer a load to the dryer, take dried laundry upstairs, make my coffee, shower, make my lunch....I kiss Jodi and Norah goodbye, and I'm off to work.

I get to work via TTC or the car, or the bike when it's warm enough out (above zero (Celsius - Canada and all) and no ice/snow/crap), and I'm there by about 7:00. I get my day together (I'm a kindergarten teacher) and execute what I didn't do the day/night before, owing to my leaving work shortly after the students leave, minus the days that I'm doing Cooking Club, or end up staying for some other unfortunate problem that may come up. I leave work "early" to get home early so that I can spend time with my wife and daughter.

I got married for a very good reason: I want to spend time with my wife. I enjoy spending time with my wife. Spending time with my wife is fun and not demanding. Spending time with my wife is a good thing. My wife ROCKS!!!

Okay, she doesn't eat fruit. But otherwise, she's pretty super duper.

And, as a mother...WOW!

But, back to my day.

I get home, and usually often a little before her cranky/fussy hour. Which isn't really bad at all. We're lucky that way. Norah's a great baby.

I'll talk with Jodi, talking about my day: pros and cons, and how Jodi's/Norah's day was. Jodi frequently has friends/family come over - to cut down on the sense of isolation, if Norah's having an off/fussy day. But again, she's a really good baby. Jodi also goes out. She goes out easier because she has the regular use of the car. I gave it up since it's not too hard (but longer time-wise) to get to work via public transit, and it makes things easier for Jodi/Norah.

Hey, guess what? You had a child and that means that some sacrifices need to be made. By both of you. Jodi's sacrifice is that she stays at home. She doesn't feel like it's punishment, but she'd much prefer to be at work. Not that she doesn't love being home with Norah.

So, I usually make dinner. I LOVE TO COOK!!! I LOVE TO BE IN THE KITCHEN!!! Not barefoot, since it means that my back is going to be killing me. I make extra dinner so that Jodi and I will both have leftovers for the next few days. Lunch or dinner. There are a ton of easy things to make that don't need much. Just the foresight (shopping) and desire to eat well, and to eat healthy.

Don't want to eat healthy? That's okay, figure out a way to eat and go with it.

So, we'll eat. Well. Either before or after Norah's bedtime routine.

Get a bottle of breast-milk (formula if there's not breast-milk option), and don't kid yourself.....having a breast-milk pump is a good thing. For everyone. Mommy is free to get away for a bit, and Daddy can be a more active/involved part of raising his baby. And all-the-while, bonding with his baby. Aiding in brain growth. Aiding in improving the odds that your baby will grow into a better functioning child, who will grow into a more well-adjusted teen, who will hopefully end up with a job that makes them happy. And might even pay enough that they can do things for you. To say thanks for the great upbringing. And making the small sacrifices that improved their lives immeasurably, but really didn't do much to take away from your quality of life.

Remember, you had a baby for a reason. It wasn't just to say that you were a Baby Daddy. Or was it? If so, then hit the road and give your baby and Baby Mamma a chance to find someone that actually cares about them, their happiness, health and overall well-being.

So, Jodi or I will get the bottle of breast-milk ready.

I'll take Norah upstairs and get her sleeper and new fresh diaper ready, along with baby lotion and diaper rash cream. I'll turn the portable heater on, since our bathroom is cold-like in the Winter. I'll start to run the bath. Not the baby bath, but the bathtub. Why the whole tub for a 14 pound baby? Because she enjoys it, and so do I. It's another Norah/Daddy bonding opportunity. She kicks like crazy, and enjoys the water. Why not do something that she enjoys.

AND I DO TOO!!!

Why not do something that I get pleasure from?

(Oh, and so does Jodi. If Jodi's happy/happier, then I'm happy/happier. It's pretty simple. You have a better chance of doing things you want to do, and with your baby's mom's approval, if you're doing something to make her happy.)

So, after we're done in the tub, I get her out, wrap her in a towel, dry myself (Oh, wait, I pretty much cleaned myself, so that I'll have a fresher bed, and happier wife!!!) and then dry Norah. I'll get the baby lotion on her, so that she's got softer skin (which is one of the greatest things in the world), and less chance of her fussing WHICH EQUALS MORE SLEEP FOR ME!!! and diaper rash cream on her butt and fat folds, so that she's happier. See above reason why.

Get her in the diaper and sleeper, and then into the bedroom and the yoga ball. Bounce her on the ball (I'm on the ball, hugging her - ANOTHER BONDING MOMENT!!!) and then get her swaddled (GREAT WAY TO GET SOME BABIES TO SLEEP AND SLEEP LONGER!!!!!!!!!!). I'll have fed her some of the bottle while she's in my arms on the yoga ball. ANOTHER BONDING MOMENT!!!!!!

I'll see if she wants to finish the bottle once she's been swaddled.

At this stage, I'll either give her to Jodi to breastfeed her, since she's in a growth spurt and therefore eating more, or I'll bounce her on the yoga ball (AGAIN, not bounce her on the ball, but bounce her while hugging/holding her) until she falls asleep. Sometimes, I'll give her a pacifier to aid her falling asleep.

While I'm bouncing her, we have an iPhone white noise app to make: WHITE NOISE!!! Why white noise? It has a little bit in common with the sounds your baby hears FOR 40 WEEKS IN THE WOMB and comforts them. It's something most of them like, and makes them happy. Remember the part that if you're baby momma is happy? Well, if your baby is happy, there's a better chance that their baby momma will be happier, and a better chance that you will be happy.

I think you wanna be happy. Don't ya?

So, put her down to sleep, turn on the baby monitor and then MONITOR what's happening. The white noise continues, and Norah sleeps. Until she's hungry. Then Jodi feeds her.

She's in bed around 8:00/8:30, and I'm going to bed around 10:30. This is earlier then I've typically gone to bed in the last 20 years. Why? So that I can get up earlier and make sure that I'm able to function properly in my job and life. Why? Because it's important that I can lead my life the way I want to, and that means that I need to be able to function at work, and otherwise.

Remember, you had a child and that means you have to make some sacrifices.

Be a man. Be a grown-up.

Sure, I drink. I have a drink or two every night. But, I don't get "intoxicated" unless I have a sense that it's going to work. Meaning, that Jodi's not left to look after Norah. Meaning, that if we're out and I end up having several glasses of wine with friends or family, that she can drive home. But I can still do all the things I need to do, I just can't legally drive a car.

I don't get drunk, since that's just a surefire way to end up with Jodi not being happy. If Jodi's not happy.....well you know how I'm doing.

Be an active part of your baby's care. The more you do to help out your baby, the happier everyone is going to be. If you want to be happy, don't be a dumbass.

Here are some things you can do with your baby. With the use of a baby carrier, you can go out with your baby. Go for lunch or dinner with a friend or friends. Go for a walk. Go grocery shopping. Go visit a friend.

Instead of spending time being pissed off about what you can't do anymore, think about things that you can share with your baby, and the time off you can give your wife....and how that will make her (and you) happier.

So, in closing:

Get your head out of your ass, it's not babysitting, it's being your baby's father.

Second, it's not a woman's job to do anything as it pertains to your child, other than carry them inside of her for approximately 40 weeks, and to hopefully be able to supply breast milk to feed your baby.

Third, the more "stuff" you do with your baby, the more his/her brain is going to grow/expand, and the better chance you'll have of not having to show your name/face in-front of a TV camera, answering questions about your serial killer offspring.